My name is Jenna Edwards. I’m 22 years old, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started a blog and just left it either in the middle of challenge or with a billion promises to 3 followers that I totally could’ve kept but didn’t. I’m not lazy, and I’m not forgetful, so why is a blog something I struggle to keep up? Maybe it’s because working fulltime and going to college full time is incredibly stressful, especially when your job expects you to be on for forty plus hours and ready to go whenever you have free time and then your school expects you to put in 3 hours worth of work per credit hour. So if I take a full semester, it’s really like having to work for 90+ hours a week. Not to mention, I’m super involved with my family and with my church. Honestly, I’m so glad I don’t have kids right now because I don’t think I could manage everything on the same level, especially not alone.
Anyway, all I’ve ever wanted to do is write, and I need this blog because I need to put out content. I need it so I have something out there for the world. I need it because I’m working too hard for my degree to get out and have nothing. My portfolio can’t consist of fiction and essays. It’s got to have more.
So this is where the more goes. The things about my life, my writing, and the general happenings of the world. This is where the phrase “Yeah, no, it’s fine.” can come to life and become real. I say it too much. It’s just a go to phrase when I have no concern for what’s being said or when I genuinely believe that I have nothing to be sorry for and/or neither do you. Oh, You’re sorry your child is crying? “Yeah, no, it’s fine.” – Don’t apologize because kids are gonna cry. It’s no big deal. Oh, you’re coming to my house unannounced. “Yeah, no, it’s fine.” Don’t expect me to apologize for what you walk into, and definitely, don’t expect me to wear a bra. You came to me unexpectedly, not the other way around.
It’s also a way of avoiding things:
Ask me how the book is coming.
“Yeah, no, it’s fine.”
Ask me about my love life.
“Yeah, no, it’s fine.”
Ask me how I feel about writing a post in the wordpress editing thingamajig.
“It’s murder.” Seriously, this thing never wants to scroll down when I get to the end of the whatcha.
The point is I’m tired of clinging to all these random things that run through my head that need to be discussed like proper Driver Thru etiquette, health, writing, or the wind blowing through my unshaven leg hair (My God, I know I need to do something, but I don’t want to deal with it). Follow up to the leg hair thing: how shaving my legs affects feminism.
Yeah, no, it’s fine is supposed to be a blog about life and the changes it produces. I’m moving soon. I’m dying my hair, I’m getting healthy. I’m going to a new school. I’m getting a new job. I might get a tattoo. I want these changes to be documented. I want my time to matter. It’s my life and my time, and I’m tired of wasting it so I need to change. And maybe in all the changes, I’ll become that woman I see in all my imaginations of the future. Maybe I’ll become stronger, more organized, smarter, and better looking ;-).
I know how it comes off when you read that line:
Maybe I’ll become stronger, more organized, smarter, and better looking ;-).
I know that some of you will probably think I’m an insecure girl who hasn’t experienced enough of life’s pitfalls to understand strength, but here’s the thing: when life happens, it doesn’t matter how old you are or how much experience you have. Sometimes you get swiped so bad it knocks your feet out from under you for years. Sometimes you get lucky and get to talk about how you powered through it to everyone you know. I really don’t care what you think of me, but nobody can determine another person’s strength based on first assumptions or just a little information. That’s something that we should all remember. And for those of you who constantly feel like you’re being knocked down, remember that only you get to decide if other people’s opinions of you determine what you’re going to do with your life. Let me break down what I want for my own life though.
I want to be able to stand on my own two feet without feeling like I’m gonna fall over. I’m talking physically, financially, and emotionally. I’m not healthy, and I’d like to be able to eat for a day without relying so heavily on carbs and fast food. I’m terrible with my money. I know the whole “You’re 22, so you shouldn’t be too worried about this type of thing yet.” spiel like the back of my hand, but I’m worried because I need groceries and I have seventeen dollars in my checking account. Who’s gonna pay for that? The grocery fairy? Because if so, I need to tell him about all the stuff I have on back order (i.e. food in my fridge). Also, I’m not exactly the best when it comes to emotions. I process out loud, and I tend to shove it down until I get to a point when the process has to come out, usually loudly and occasionally mean-ish. That’s not okay, and it is certainly not healthy.
I know that in order to have some success I have to be more organized. I can’t have a thousand different folders, flash drives, and notebooks full of information anymore. I need to get everything organized because I waste so much time looking for what I’m supposed to be working on that I barely work on it.
Spanish is the second most spoken language in the US, and I don’t know enough of it. My soufflés pop. I can’t change my oil by myself. I’ve never driven a motorcycle. I can’t name every president, and I do not remember who killed John Lennon. There is so much to learn, and honestly, why do we think that it’s okay to stop learning? I don’t have enough time to learn every language, but when I was younger, I dreamed of knowing Spanish, French, and Russian on top of English before I was thirty. Will that happen? I don’t know, but I better start trying harder.
Calm down. That was a joke. Pretty confident in my looks… overall.
I’m holding me accountable for this blog. I want to post at least a thousand words a week and none of that a picture is worth a thousand words crap either. A picture is worth one word. That is all. So to close the first week’s post out, I just have to say…
Yeah, No, It’s Fine.